Meta kont għadni tifel, kont konvint li missieri kellu l-itwal dirgħajn fid-dinja. Kull darba li xi ħadd minna l-aħwa subien kien isefsef xi ħaġa, jingħi, jehmeż, jew jagħmel xi ħaġa oħra li l-papà kien jikkonsidra irriverenti waqt il-quddies, konna niġu ssussati lura fir-reverenza b’daqqa tajba fuq wara ta’ rasna. Inkunu fejn inkunu bilqiegħda mal-familja, il-papà dejjem kien jilħaqna.
Peress li konna nafu li bl-ebda mod ma stanjna naħarbu d-driegħ twil tal-papà, konna normalment noqogħdu bilqiegħda qisna anġli kontra qalbhom matul is-servizz kollu, iżda l-fatt li konna noqogħdu kwieti ma ġabniex nħobbu l-knisja.
Snin wara, jien attendejt għall-ewwel darba laqgħa tas-sagrament tal-Qaddisn tal-Aħħar Żmien u bqajt mibluh bl-imġiba mqarba tal-maġġorparti tat-tfal. Kieku missieri kien hemm fosthom, kieku kien jaqla’ idu jipprova jgħallem lil dawk it-tfal ir-reverenza.
Xi tmien snin wara l-ewwel żjara tiegħi f’laqgħa tas-sagrament, kont mill-ġdid bilqiegħda f’kappella tal-Qaddisin tal-Aħħar Żmien, iżda din id-darba kont membru tal-Knisja u missier jitqabad ma’ wliedu żgħar u mqarbin.
“Bilflors li hemm mod pożittiv kif ngħallmu r-reverenza lil uliedna,” għidtilha lil marti. “Ma rridhomx isiru ma jaħmlux lill-knisja kif kont jien.”
Minn dak iż-żmien, marti u jien sibna modi kif ngħinu lill-erba’ wliedna, kollha inqas minn tmien snin, ikunu reverenti fil-knisja. Mhumiex dejjem xempji ta’ reverenza, imma fil-biċċa l-kbira huma suffiċjentament reverenti, u l-iktar ħaġa importanti hija li qed jitgħallmu jieħdu gost l-laqgħa tas-sagrament.
Hawnhekk ħa nsemmi xu affarjiet li tgħallimna waqt li “bis-sewwa jew bid-dnewwa” lħaqna r-reverenza tal-laqgħa tas-sagrament. Dawn l-ideat ħadmu fil-każ tagħna; familji oħra jaf għandhom metodi differenti imma effettivi wkoll biex inisslu r-reverenza.
Kunu intom stess reverenti
Huwa importanti li l-ġenituri jgħallmu lil uliedhom b’eżempju li r-reverenza waqt laqgħa tas-sagrament hija importanti. Ma nistgħux nippretendu li wliedna jġibu ruħhom sew il-knisja meta aħna stess ma nagħmlux dan.
Meta kont fil-veskovat, kelli ħafna opportunitajiet biex nosserva l-eżempju li l-ġenituri jagħtu lil uliedhom fil-laqgħa tas-sagrament. Ħafna kienu reverenti, u wliedhom irrispondew l-istess. Imma kont nara ftit ġenituri bilwieqfa fuq wara tal-kappella bi trabi f’dirgħajhom, filwaqt li jużaw il-laqgħa bħala ħin biex iparlaw mal-ħbieb. Oħrajn kienu joqogħdu jaqraw, jiktbu, jew jieħdu nagħsa. Uliedhom kienu normalment irriverenti bl-istess mod.
Bħala ġenituri, għanda dmir magħna nfusna u ma’ wliedna biex inkunu partiċipanti attivi fil-laqgħa tas-sagrament, u mhux spettaturi indifferenti. Jeħtiġilna noqogħdu attenti għal dak li l-kelliema qed jgħidu. Meta naslu d-dar, għandna niddiskutu d-diskorsi tal-laqgħa tas-sagrament u dak li tgħallimna minnhom.
Għallmu lil uliedkom
Wara li tejjibna l-imġiba tagħna waqt il-laqgħa tas-sagrament, aħna għallimna lil uliedna kif konna nistennewhom li jġibu ruħhom fil-knisja.
L-ewwel passi tagħna kienu jikkonsistu billi neħduhom sal-fwajer meta kienu jġibu ruħhom ħażin, xi ħaġa meħtieġa biex oħrajn ikunu jistgħu jieħdu gost waqt il-laqgħa. Dan il-metodu kellu riżultati mħalltin. Uliedna storbjużi ma kenux għadhom qed itellfu l-ispirtu tal-laqgħa, iżda marti u jien konn qed nitilfu ħafna minn dak li kien qed iseħħ ġewwa. Biex tgħaxxaqha, it-tfal ma damux biex iddeċiedu li l-libertà u l-pjaċir tal-fwajer tal-kappella kien ħafna iktar attraenti mil-laqgħa tas-sagrament.
Wara li xtarrejna ftit dwar għala konna fallejna, biddilna t-tattika tagħna u ġġilidna l-battalja tar-reverenza tal-laqgħa tas-sagrament id-dar minflok fil-kappella. Fil-lejla tal-familja d-dar u drabi oħra matul il-ġimgħa, konna nġiegħlu lit-tfal jipprattikaw joqogħdu bilqiegħda fil-kwiet. Hekk kif ffukajna l-lezzjonijiet fuq l-iskop tal-laqgħa tas-sagrament, spjegajna lil uliedna għalfejn konna nieħdu l-ħobż u l-ilma. Kellimniehom dwar is-sagrifiċċju ta’ Kristu u spjegajnielhom li l-laqgħa tas-sagramet kien ħin għalihom biex jaħsbu dwar Ġesù.
Wara biss ġimgħa, l-effetti kienu ġa jidhru, u wara xi tliet ġimgħat jew erbgħa, il-kbar fost uliedna kienu fil-fatt qed jibdew joqogħdu kwieti bilqiegħda fil-biċċa l-kbira tal-laqgħa.
Ħudu azzjoni meta huma irreverenti
M’għandniex xi ngħidu, it-tfal xi kultant kien ikollhom mumenti ta’ irreverenza, iżda meta kien jiġri dan, konna nafu li kellna nagħmlu iktar milli kemm neħduhom barra biex jingħaqdu mal-karnival fil-fwajer. Missieri kien għamilielna ċara li kien iridna fil-knisja, u mhux biss fil-qrubija tagħha. Wara li kkonsidrajna l-metodi tal-papà u wara li smajna diskors dwar id-dixxiplina, marti u jien irrealizzajna li, li meta nieħdu tfal irriverenti ’l barra mil-laqgħa tas-sagrament, din kienet issolvi l-problema immedjata, iżda ma kienet tagħmel xejn biex tħeġġiġhom jevitaw irreverenza futura. Daħħalnieha f’rasna li kellna ngħallmu lil uliedna li l-ħajja fil-laqgħa tas-sagrament kienet ħafna iktar pjaċevoli mill-ħajja barra bieb il-laqgħa.
Il-Ħadd ta’ wara, ibni ta’ sentejn tagħtu ferneżija mill-kbar. Immedjatament ħriġtu ’l barra mill-kappella, imma did-darba ma waqaftx fil-fwajer. Sibt klassi vojta fil-kuritur, poġġejt fuq siġġu minn dawk li jingħalqu, u żammejt sod fuq ħoġri.
Wara ftit tal-ħin ikkalma u pprova jinżel minn fuqi. L-ewwel reazzjoni tiegħi kienet li nħallih jinżel, imma minflok iddeċidejt li nżommu fuq ħoġri. Beda jgerger, u jien spjegajtlu li kien se jibqa’ f’ħoġri, bla ma jitniffes kif kont kapaċi nżommu, sakemm jiddeċiedi li kien sar il-waqt biex nirritornaw fil-laqgħa tas-sagrament bir-reverenza kollha.
Lil ibni ta’ sentejn u li ma kellux kwiet, dik it-tip ta’ restrizzjoni kien l-agħar destin possibbli. Wara għaxar minuti ta’ supplika, sarar, u biki, huwa rreallizza li ma kontx qed niċċajta, u staqsieni jekk setax imur lura fil-laqgħa tas-sagrament.
“U se tkun reverenti, Ibni?” staqsejtu.
Għamilli sinjal b’rasu li kien se jkun.
“U jekk ma tkux reverenti, x’se jiġri?” Urieni s-siġġu.
Erġajna lura fil-laqgħa, u baqa’ kwiet b’mod raġonevoli. Hu u wliedna l-bmiet xorta kien ikollhom il-mumenti tagħhom xi kultant fil-laqgħa tal-Ħadd meta kien jeħtieġilhom jinħarġu mil-laqgħa tas-sagramet, imma ma damux biex jintebħu li kienu jippreferu l-libertà tagħhom fil-laqgħa tas-sagrament mir-restrizzjoni ta’ ħoġor il-Papà fi klassi kwieta f’tarf il-kurutur.
Ovvjament, ikun aħjar, u iħfef, li tippreveni l-irreverenza milli li jkollok titrattaha fil-knisja. Peress li konna nafu li wliedna ma kinux se jkunu kapaċi jisimgħu u jifhmu d-diskorsi kollha tal-laqgħa tas-sagrament, aħna ppjajna għalihom attivitajiet alternattivi u kwieti meta jibdew qed jitilfu l-interess.
It-tfal kollha tagħna, saħansitra ż-żgħar nett, iħobbu jaqraw u jqallbu l-istejjer tal-iskrittura għat-tfal ippubblikati mill-Knisja, u jħarsu lejn l-illustrazzjonijiet tagħhom. Inġibu magħna wkoll xi kuluri tax-xemgħa u karti vojta għat-tfal iż-żgħar biex dawn joqogħdu jpinġu fuqhom meta jibdew jiddejqu. It-tfal il-kbar inħalluhom ipinġu wkoll, imma aħna nħeġġuhom biex ipinġu xeni li jirrelataw mad-diskorsi li jkunu qed jisimgħu.
Skoprejna wkoll li l-logħob, ikel, ħelu, u ġugarelli normalemt joħolqu iktar fratterija u storbju fil-laqgħa milli jevitawhom.
Ftakru li t-tfal huma tfal
Ma nippretendux li wliedna jkunu perfetti fil-knisja għaliex nafu li fl-età tagħhom dil-ħaġa hija ġieli xi ħaġa li mhumiex kapaċi jagħmluha. Iżda marti u jien għandna għan li nieħu gost waqt il-laqgħa tas-sagrament. Meta xi ħadd mit-tfal tagħna ma jobdix, aħna nittrattaw miegħu (jew magħha) malajr u kemm jista’ jkun bla emozzjoni.
Tgħin ħafna wkoll jekk wieħed iżomm sens ta’ umoriżmu. Jekk xi membru tal-familja tagħna jaqbeż mill-bank jew inkella jimxi bla ma jaf ħadd, sal-pulptu, aħna nippruvaw inżommu l-kalma, nikkalmawhom, noħorġuhom ’il barra jekk hemm bżonn, u ngħidu lilna nfusna li, xi darba—forsi—għade nidħqu meta niftakru f’dil-biċċa.
Jekk tinsab waħdek u għandek wisq tfal milli tiflaħ tieħu ħsieb waħdek, xorta waħda tista’ żżomm ir-reverenza—bi ftit għajnuna. Meta ġejt imsejjaħ għall-veskovat, marti spiċċat trid tieħu ħsieb lit-tfal tagħna waħedha. Wara ftit tal-Ħdud, sabet li din kienet wisq għaliha u bdiet tegħja, u għalhekk staqsejna koppja irtirata fil-qasam tagħna jekk setgħux ipoġġu ħdejn il-familja tagħna kull nhar ta’ Ħadd biex jibbilanċjaw ftit. Huma aċċettaw bil-qalb kollha, u llum il-ġurnata wliedna l-gost tagħhom ipoġġu ħdejn in-“nanniet” tagħhom.
Fil-familja tagħna, nagħlu mill-aħjar biex il-knisja tkun esperjenza pożittiva għalina u għal uliedna. Bi ftit prattika u ppjanar, u b’ħafna paċenzja, qed ngħinu lil uliedna jitgħallmu japprezzaw il-laqgħa tas-sagrament u biex jagħmlu dan b’mod reverenti.
When I was a boy, I was convinced that my dad had the longest arms in the world. Anytime one of us boys whispered, whined, winked, or did anything else Dad considered irreverent during mass, we were jolted back into reverence with a rap on the back of the head. No matter where we sat in our family group at church, Dad could reach us.
Knowing there was no escaping Dad’s long arm, we usually sat like reluctant angels through the service, but being quiet didn’t make us like church.
Years later, I attended my first Latter-day Saint sacrament meeting and was shocked by the unruly behavior of most of the children. Had my dad been there, he would have worn out his arm trying to teach reverence to those kids.
About ten years after my first visit to sacrament meeting, I was again sitting in an LDS chapel, but this time I was a member of the Church and a father wrestling with unruly toddlers of my own.
“There’s got to be some positive way to teach our children reverence,” I said to my wife. “I don’t want them to dread church as I did.”
Since then, my wife and I have found ways to help our four children, all under the age of eight, be reverent during church. They aren’t always paragons of reverence, but most of the time they are reverent enough, and what is more important, they are learning to enjoy sacrament meeting.
Here is some of what we learned as we “trialed and errored” our way into sacrament-meeting reverence. These ideas have worked for us; other families may have different but equally effective ways of encouraging reverence.
Be reverent yourself
It is important that parents teach their children by example that reverence in sacrament meeting is important. We can’t expect our children to behave in church when we don’t behave ourselves.
When I was in the bishopric, I had many opportunities to watch the example parents set for their children in sacrament meeting. Many were reverent, and their children responded likewise. But I would see a few parents standing in the back of the chapel with young babies in their arms, using the meeting as a time to chat with friends. Others were reading, writing, or catching up on their sleep. Their children were usually equally irreverent.
As parents, we owe it to ourselves and to our children to be active participants in sacrament meeting, not indifferent spectators. We need to pay attention to what the speakers are saying. Once we get home, we should discuss the sacrament meeting talks and what we learned from them.
Teach your children
After we improved our own sacrament meeting behavior, we taught our children exactly how we expected them to behave in church.
Our first attempts consisted of taking them to the foyer when they misbehaved, which is necessary so others can enjoy the meeting. This method had mixed results. Our noisy children weren’t disrupting the spirit of the meeting, but my wife and I missed out on much of what was going on. On top of that, our children soon decided that the freedom and fun of the chapel foyer were much more desirable than sacrament meeting.
After reviewing why we had failed, we changed our tactics and fought the battle of sacrament meeting reverence at home instead of at church. In family home evening and at other times during the week, we had our children practice sitting quietly. As we focused our lessons on the purpose of sacrament meeting, we explained to our children why we took bread and water. We talked to them about Christ’s sacrifice and explained that sacrament meeting was a time for them to think about Jesus.
After only a week, the effects were noticeable, and after three or four weeks, our older children were actually beginning to sit quietly for most of the meeting.
Take action when they’re irreverent
Of course, the children occasionally slipped into irreverence, but when they did, we knew we had to do more than just take them out to join the foyer carnival. My father had made it clear to us that he wanted us in church, not just in the vicinity of it. After considering Dad’s methods and listening to a speech on discipline, my wife and I realized that taking irreverent children out of sacrament meeting solved the immediate problem, but it did nothing to encourage them to avoid future irreverence. We made up our minds to teach our children that life in sacrament meeting was much more pleasant than life on the fringe of sacrament meeting.
The next Sunday, my two-year-old son had a terrible tantrum. I immediately carried him out of the chapel, but this time I didn’t stop in the foyer. I found an empty classroom down the hallway, sat down on a folding chair, and held him firmly on my lap.
In a minute he calmed down and squirmed to be free. My initial reaction was to let him down, but I decided instead to keep him on my lap. He complained, and I explained to him that he would remain on my lap, as immobile as I could hold him, until he decided it was time to return to sacrament meeting reverently.
To my wiggly two-year-old, such restriction was the worst fate possible. After ten minutes of pleading, squirming, and crying, he realized I meant business, and he asked if he could go back to sacrament meeting.
“Will you be reverent, Son?” I asked.
He nodded.
“And if you’re not reverent, what will happen?” He pointed to the chair.
We returned to the meeting, where he remained reasonably quiet. He and our daughters still had their moments on other Sundays when they had to be taken from sacrament meeting, but it didn’t take them long to learn that they preferred their freedom in sacrament meeting to the restriction of Dad’s lap in a quiet classroom down the hall.
Naturally, it’s better, and easier, to prevent irreverence than to deal with it at church. Knowing that our children wouldn’t be able to listen to or understand all of the sacrament meeting talks, we planned alternative quiet activities for them when they began to lose interest.
All of our children, even the youngest, enjoy reading and looking at the illustrated children’s scripture stories published by the Church. We also bring a few crayons and blank sheets of paper for the younger ones to draw on when they become too wiggly. The older children are allowed to draw, too, but we encourage them to draw pictures that relate to the talks being given.
We also found that games, food, treats, and toys usually create more chaos and mess in the meeting than they prevent.
Remember that kids are kids
We don’t expect our children to be perfect in church because we know at their ages it’s sometimes beyond their abilities. But my wife and I have a goal to enjoy sacrament meeting. When one of our children misbehaves, we deal with him or her as quickly and as unemotionally as possible.
It also helps to keep a sense of humor. If a member of our family does a flip off the back of the bench or toddles, unnoticed, to the stand, we try to remain calm, extinguish their behavior, take them out if necessary, and tell ourselves that, someday—maybe—we’ll chuckle over the incident.
If you are alone and outnumbered by your children, you can still maintain reverence—with a little help. When I was called into the bishopric, my wife was left to handle our children by herself. After a few Sundays, she found the task overwhelming and exhausting, so we asked a retired couple in our ward if they would sit by our family every Sunday to even the odds. They willingly agreed, and now our children love to sit by their “grandparents.”
In our family, we try to make sure church is a positive experience for us and our children. With a little practice and planning, and with lots of patience, we are helping our children learn to appreciate sacrament meeting and to do it reverently.